In Silence

My mind used to travel back in time

where it’s ugly

where there’s chaos

where there’s pain

My mind used to thrive in little details

I wish didn’t exist

nor do I wish my brain still has access to

My mind used to choose what’s hateful

Or a narrative where I find myself

unwanted,

a victim in my head

My mind used to crave that negative force

just to blame others

and escape accountability

My mind used to feel exhausted

and numb

with all the distasteful thoughts,

and memories I attempted to blur

and hoped gone

And yet.. my mind kept moving through the same loop

Tirelessly trapped in its own irony

Well…it used to

Silence used to scare the shit out of me

Because in that space,

I find my way back to darkness

And where it’s pitch black,

There's no way out